Fire Emblem Twisto
by Octillery
Summary: A simple random comedy following Fire Emblem 7. Starts at prologue to end of game. Teen for safety in later chapters


This Week in Octillery: My opera I'm doing premired. I got like 4 reviews for Survivor: Erky Edition(all positive). Got pokemon:fire red in mail from my friend(I gave him another game) and got back into pokemon. My grandpa came to visit from texas(I live in central NJ) to see my opera. Slept until 12 almost everyday.

This is the repost of an old fic, but slightly altered(not as much as Surviovor: Erky Edition). This first part is scripted because there is way to much diolague(spelling?). This is not the real story(the real is after).

Tada!

Jamodude Studios, 10 A.M.

Jamo: Let's assign pairings!

Jamo: Fiora and Kent.

Fiora and Kent: Yeah!

Jamo: Eliwood and Ninian, Hector and Lyn, Florina and Erk, Matthew and Leila.

All mentioned in above line except Lyn: Yeah!

Lyn: Why me? Why not Farina? Why not me and Rath.

Jamo: Oops. I meant Farina and Hector, and Lyn and Rath.

Lyn: Yes!

Farina: Nooo!

Hector: Larf?

Jamo: Wil and Rebecca, Pricilla and Guy (Raven does evil crazy mercenary eyes), Heath and... It's not written here?

Everyone: Huh?

Jamo: It's time for the wheel of chance!

Wheel of Chance: (spins for twenty-two days and finally stops) HEATH AND PRISCILLA!

Guy: Huh? (Disappears from Priscilla's hug and Heath gets put in the same spot)

Jamo: That's everyone!

Everyone who isn't paired or (in Guy's case) replaced: What about us?

Jamo: No one likes you (points and Laughs)

Jamo: Oh yeah I forgot, Nino and Jaffar and Guy and Tilinfist (originally my tactician was called Ticklefish but that doesn't fit in real life).

Guy: Isn't our tactician a boy?

Jamo: Sorry! Guy and Tilinis!

Tilinfist: (Morphs into a girl)

Guy: That was freaky.

Nino: Did you hear that Jaffar? I get to be with you instead of Nils!

Nils: Hey Babycups!

Nino: AHHH!

Jaffar: (kills Nils. Hey that sounds like Kill Bill.) It's ok; Nils won't call you babycups anymore.

Ninian: Brother!

Eliwood: (Comforting Ninian) It's okay.

Matthew: Octillery doesn't own Fire Emblem!

Leila: Or pokemon, The Tinker of Tivoli, Texas, New Jersey, or my grandpa. If I owned pokemon there would be a lot less four attacks and a lot more carnage.

Tada!

"In 2101 war was beginning. Captain what happen? Someone set us up the bomb. We get signal. Main screen turn on." Tilinis muttered. A green haired woman stood of her and shrugged.

"Wow, that hit must've really hurt you more then I expected. " Lyn said like being hit in the head by an axe didn't do much damage.

"IT'S HIM! Good evening- frazzle-baby crunch! Ah! Jar-Jar Binks is eating my toes! " Tilinis screamed while waking.

"Who's Jar-Jar Binks? " Lyn asked.

"Who are you! " Tilinis said in a very childish manor, while sticking her head forward like a turtle's head popping out of its shell.

Lyn stood there in shock of the girl's weirdness.

"I'm Lyn of the Lorca, I found you lying unconcious on the plains. Now answer my-"

"Why didn't you leave me! I was taking a nap! " Tilinis shouted interrupting.

Lyn became red-faced with anger.

"IF YOU WERE NAPPING THEN WHY WAS YOUR HEAD BLEEDING!"

Lyn screamed in annoyance.

Tilinis shrugged.

Lyn sighed. 'This is going to be a long, long day. ' Lyn thought.

"Okay. Now I need you to tell me. Who is Jar-Jar Binks and what the hell is frazzle-baby crunch? "

At that point Tilinis snapped out some sort of wake-up idiocy and sprung back into her normal intelligent systems I mean self.

"Jar-Jar Binks is a humble and stupid character from Star Wars: Episode One. Frazzle-Baby Crunch is a breakfast cereal that contains nine grams of sugar per serving and provides half of the protein needed in one day per serving. It provides the nutrients in the form of real baby kitten meat. " Tilinis informed her.

"Say-wha? " Lyn said. not understanding anything Tilinis had just said. Tilinis sighed.

"It means there is two bandits outside that need butt-kicking and if you don't do what I tell you to you'll die. " Tilinis explained.

" Now that's some thing I can understand. But why should I listen to you? You're just-"

"The greatest tactical mind of your time? A person with an outrageously cool name? The only person in this world who isn't an idiot? "

"I was going to say an moron who sleeps in field while bandits are invading, but those work too. " Lyn admitted.

With that they rushed outside to face two- wait, what do the people want? Hmm… Okay. With that they rushed outside to face two-hundred thousand bandits-

"Ow! " Jamo (montblancerk) shouted, "Tilinis! You could've asked instead of kicking me in the shin! No! You're not fired! Guy and you were the only pairing that kept me alive during 2004. I am not trying to separate you with the wing's edge! Fine! I'll change the script! " Jamo shouted at Tilinis. Tilinis's comments were just mumble jumbles that could not be heard by the audience.

So anyways. With that they rushed outside to face two bandits. One was named generic brigand and one was Batta the Bored.

"Lyn! Use that rusty old piece of crap in your hands to attack the Genee! " Tilinis shouted.

"Genee? " Lyn just stood there as the bandit attacked. Lyn was hit.

"I'm trying to figure out what a genee is and you pound me! You son of a brigand! "

What did you expect me to say?

Lyn's sword crushing the enemy's muscles and bones blocked most of her voice and fuzzied the sound of the last word.

" Lyn… You cursed! "

" What are you talking about? I said son of a brigand! " Lightning struck the ground and fuzzied the last word again.

Tilinis gasped.

" Again! Fifty lashes with a wet noodle! " Tilinis shouted.

" Oh come on. I'm not even gonna strike back! "

" A wet noodle coated in darksteel! Fwah! " Tilinis screamed while she slapped Lyn fifty times with a wet farfalle (bowtie) noodle covered in darksteel.

2 hours and ten vulenaries later…

" Oh… Hey Tilinis! Wait… Tilinis you jerk! " Lyn shouted and started strangling Tilinis in the same manor and posture as Homer Simpson strangles Bart Simpson.

After Lyn had had her revenge she let Tilinis go.

" Okay. Now lets go kill that stupid bandit! " Lyn cheered.

A/N: To help you read this next part I'll tell you that Batta the Bored has a beer belly, is bald, and is a 40 year old man going through his mid-life crisis. Ready? Okay then.

Meanwhile… Batta sat in his chair flinging darts at a dart board. One missed and made a hole in his cheap ten-cents-a-week ger's wall.

"Damn! Stupid dart and the stupid dart board and the stupid house. Gah! This is so boring! " Batta complained.

He got up of his chair and walked outside while his beer-belly bounced along with him.

"Damn! Stupid warrior and the stupid outside! What do you want! " Batta shouted at Lyn, who had just arrived.

Both Tilinis and Lyn's lips pursed and their eyes started to water. They both bursted into laughter at the same time.

"What are you laughing about? " Batta asked.

Lyn got a hold of her self and critical attacked Batta, instantly killing him. That's right! New Insta-Kill! It kills those pesky bandits in less then thirty seconds! Do not use Insta-Kill unsupervised, or give bandits an overdose of Insta-Kill. Restrictions may apply. Insta-Kill is copyright of some weirdo in NJ

Jamo(Octillery): Why did my muses have to come back at the two-hundred thousand bandits. I was having fun using the fans as inspiration.

Tilinis: What fans?

Erk: (incinerates hopes and dreams of Octillery) That's another author saved from over-accomplishment!

Jamo: No! I liked those hopes and dreams! Your… a meanie!

Erk: Your… probably like 5 years old!

Jamo: I'm 13! (nudges a puppy)

Puppy: Review Octillery's fanfictions. (puts on sad whimpering puppy face). Or I'll be sad.


End file.
